06:55 pm - Om Namah Frito Talking online to a friend of mine about J. Krishnamurti's teachings, realization and God... this happened:
Saul: Ya know that saying, "God helps those who help themselves." I think thats the case. I don't think sitting around eating Fritos and watching tv will help me prepare my vehicle for onward movement, but I do believe sadhana will. Saul: Then again, the world is a funny place. I might become self-realized while staring at a Frito. Me: LOL Frito is my new mantra! Thanks guruji! xD Saul: Problem it is not, young Jedi. Om Namah Frito. Me: Realize that you and the Frito are one... the pleasures of transcendental munching will come to you soon after.
A little later in the conversation, once it got back on track...
Me: Well, you know Krishnamurti was a Jnana Yogi- they question EVERYTHING. Which is fine, but it makes it difficult to maintain sanity, contradicting everything, even your own beliefs... Saul: Hey, he's not the only one! ;) Question everything! Right on! to question everything is only to learn.... it's good. Me: But is it really necessary to question everything? Even the questioning? Saul: Hey, once you pop you just can't stop. Me: Pringles?? Me: I know the Path now! The Way is chips! It all makes sense! Saul: Frito'Ham! Me: That sounds like the new special at a 7-11, lol Saul: Right next to the Anandonuts. Me: Anandonuts- the chocolately fried dough of eternal bliss... Saul: Since when were donuts NOT eternal bliss?? ;P
This is probably the weirdest and funniest conversation I've ever had in my life. :D
... VNV NATION'S 'JUDGEMENT' CAME OUT. FUCK YEAH! Current Mood: amused Current Music: VNV Nation- the farthest star
What the fuck?! Your mood-swings are worse than a Texan's with PMS. It was 80 degrees yesterday. NOW ITS SNOWING. Why do you despise us so, Spring? It'd be really nice if there was some sort of defined season in this city... but, this is Pittsburgh. We get 70 degree weather in January and hail in the middle of July.
But hey... this weather isn't supposed to last past today. Wee! And the flowers are out... I got to offer flowers from my garden to Shiva :) Having the Deities in my home has actually boosted my devotion- being able to see God can only help in growing an intimate connection, after all. I was annoyed at Vijay for doing that(he randomly decided to send me sphatik Shiva Parivar deities and a throne) becuse I can't properly worship... but someone had said to me, "It doesn't matter if all you do is bow before them and leave. If you have pure devotion and love in your heart, that is your whole worship- they will accept it." So I'm doing what I can :)
This week isn't shaping out much better than last... blegh. I spent most of Monday and Tuesday in the Emergency Room, with infected, bleeding ears. I'm on 3 different medications right now, all of which affect me differently... I feel like I'm stoned every day :\ That would be kinda fun if I wasn't in school, hehe. Ian and I still have yet to finish our project too... we're attempting to get the other girls out of our group and just use random people for the other characters. Our friends would be much more suited to it than a bunch of girls who show up stoned or drunk, leave, bring other people... ><
I have Chemistry to do. It won't get done, because I don't care. But I should at least pretend... Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Shiny Toy Guns- le disko
02:36 pm - Your dosage of nutrient-rich nonsense Egh... been a bad week, physically and psychologically. Tests, quizzes, projects, labs, music memorization, due-dates, expenses.... AAAAAAAAAAH!
Conditioning for the Cherry Blossom parade has made it hard to stand up straight :P It's a very long parade, so we've been marchin' our butts off. And our band doesn't do that crappy shuffle-walk thing all the other bands do, either- we do high-step Big 10-style marching, so that only makes it harder to keep from getting winded after a few minutes. X.X Marched and played 9 times around the entire school... *dies* But... Its 2 weeks from today!! Weeeeeheeheeee! Spending 4 days down there... its the first trip we've gone on in the 4 years we've been in band, so we're PSYCHED. Now... if we could just remember the music :P And now to march in parade-form... "How is it possible to not know how to march in a straight line?" you ask... you'd be surprised. But its all been fun, and at the very least we'll show the good people of D.C that we can make some damn good straight lines x)
Ian and I have been attempting to work on a film-project for English... it's been less than fun. People in our group show up with other people, leaving during filming, showing up drunk... We get nothing done and by the end of the day we want to bash our heads in. But we have to finish this- it's 150 points we can't really afford to lose. Its just a matter of figuring out how exactly we're going to DO anything...
And, well... I'm single now. Hooray. I feel bad about this still, but I really shouldn't, considering our situation by the time this ended... and especially now that everyone's telling me how much of a prick Jon is to them, and other such unsavory things about him. Buddha said "believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see"... but I've seen plenty to easily believe what's being said, so fuck it.
But in better news...
I've been spending a lot of time with Ian lately, because of the project, and being around such a crazy, happy, Zen person has been helping me keep my sanity intact! I'm sure were it not for him, I would've beaten someone with a bat by now... probably someone in my Chemistry class... Oy! And one day while hangin' out in his room, burning incense and staring at the ceiling, he brings out some piece of pure bloody gold that is a VNV Nation album, and puts it on... I think I listened to the whole thing with my mouth agape in amazement... VNV stands for 'Victory Not Vengeance,' meaning one should strive to achieve instead of sit in bitter regret. It has political, as well as a philosophical and spiritual undertones, that don't advocate any ideology- it is a metaphor of expression. Their music is similar... it ranges from electronic dance to classical, and their style was inspired by underground club culture and industrial music prominent in Europe...
The lyrics speak beautiful, philosophical truths and touch the core of your soul, fusing with the driving beat of the music... it will move your body and your soul. It is amazing! Check it out:
Aaaaaaand... THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS IS COMING BACK TO THE 'BURGH! Squeeeeeeee! Henry, Zyzzy... We are so going.
Now I need to go to the doctor and find out why my ear feels like it's filled with fluid. Despite I can still hear perfectly. This should be interesting in bad ways. Current Mood: lazy Current Music: VNV Nation- end of days
04:54 pm - Open Mic I love open-mics. I love them more than life ITSELF! More than COFFEE! :D
I got my chance to go in and witness the magic last night! Wee! I was wandering around in the very hippyish head-shop area of Bloomfield. I fucking love Bloomfield... record shops, head-shops, cheap(and AMAZING) coffee, restaraunts with food from every bloody part of the world, weird people... how can you not dig it? My dad had to go up there for some sort of business thing, I dunno... but I was left to wander alone, and what do I see written in gossamer teardrops across a cafe window?
"OPEN-MIC TONIGHT- EVERYONE WELCOME!"
I *love* these things, because, as stated, ANYONE can go up to the mic and start rambling. Some people really suck... cocky, but yet no real sense of humor. Some guys are hysterical- they've got a message and an attitude, they know what they're doing- its awesome. And then there are the psychos who just wander in off the street, like "There's a device attached to speakers and I can talk into it? OH the demon-monkeys in my hair will have their message heard!" And they are what make going to these things worth it!! So I crossed my fingers, and sure enough a couple of raisincakes wandered in, to make the night all the more like a magical venture into dementia and hilarity :) Whee!
One particularly funny incident must be shared. The guy's name was Rob, and just by the way he took the "stage"(a throw-rug and 2 speakers in the back), I knew I'd like him. And he was hilarious. He killed- he had everyone laughing. However, there are two girls up front that didn't quite think so... through his entire skit they were pulling out their cell-phones and texting someone, and eventually one of them said *very* loudly, "Let's just GO already!" The guy even stopped and asked them if anything was wrong. The ironic retort: There's too much fucking swearing! That gets everyone laughing, even him. Come on, what's comedy without a little cursing? Juvenile, but all the funnier, yes? He said to them, "You're not serious, are you?"
"Its just not clevah, the way you're always cursing."
God, I wish I would've brought a camera to record the next 10 minutes or so. First off, these girls were the type that have probably never been debated about a single thing in their lives- the type of beautiful girl that lives in a movie-like world where everyone succumbs to their whims without a second thought. They were the Paris Hilton-esque clones you can find in most teenage/early-20's women today... *shudders* It was so much fun watching their antsy, verging-on-panic reactions to Rob's questioning of their opinions. One of them kept looking back demonically everytime someone laughed at what he said... and he kept giving them chances to leave, but they were determined to stay and win... "Win" in their world= saying "fuck off" and that being the victory for their side. When he didn't stop(not taking 'fuck off' as the end of the argument), they got to screaming. Bizarre, non-verbal shrieking that I'm sure had someone put a glass in front of them, the screams would have carved sonic shapes into it. After a long time, they finally left, one of them turning around to yell at him, "I'm not THICK!" which really isn't something you should have to say outloud to yourself or another person.
I've met some amazing and hilarious people, drank more coffee than I probably should have, and it's been a good weekend so far :) This is why I love these little schizo things that that randomly happen, which I am so blessed to stumble upon.
Now let's see if I can actually get any sleep... Current Mood: bouncy
We have here a rapping rabbi... very powerful lyrics and rhythm being used to spread messages of love, peace, unity and devotion to God, no matter what your faith is.... very, very cool :) Matisyahu's music is the coolest thing I've stumbled across in awhile. How awesome are the things you find by total accident?!??!
Check him out... this song will be stuck in your head all day, hehe!
Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Matisyahu- jerusalem
08:12 pm - Shiva You're in everything, Shiva... you are everything... there isn't an atom in this universe that you are not within, and that isn't within you. Every person in our life, every animal, plant, is a form of Lord Shiva.
Shiva, you've been in my life from the start... as you have been everyone's. I've met your many forms through the people in my life, through my own changing self, and through the experience of Life itself... you show yourself to me daily, in your kindest and most terrible forms...
but when will I finally recognize you? Its taken me so long to just vaguely know you... and I could speak, read and listen of you all hours of the day for the rest of my life and still barely touch the surface of your power, compassion, and many forms. But yet you're as personal as you are, being the devotee of devotees and the lover of lovers...
You confuse me, Shiva. But I love you too much to care :) I hope I can see you at some point... not just realize you're within everything and everyone, but see you within it all...
I do know I've met you in my lifetime, in many ways...
I met you as Bhairava, the Terrible One, in my darker moments of life... I'm not sure if those events in my life were a result of Karma or a test to me somehow, but you were ruthless to me. I was betrayed by friends, beaten in an abusive relationship, and its quite possible I might've been killed had I not run from an enemy of mine. You were in all of them, your form of Bhairava...
I met you as Bholenath, the kind-hearted Lord, through many kind people... people who did a kindness to me without even knowing me, the friends who all have a piece of my heart, my family- they are you as Bholenath.
I met you as Palanhaar, the Protector of everyone, in many strange ways... As random people who diverted me from my original course, thus saving me from something terrible mere moments later. As my friends, who have sworn to put their life on the line for me(and I've returned that promise). As the crows I see everywhere that literally follow me when I'm walking alone on busy streets... you protect me and watch out for me through these people and animals... and I'm eternally grateful.
I met you as Dayalu, ever compassionate, through the people who have ungrudgingly forgiven me for horrible things I've done in moments of stupidity... You in your own true form have been very compassionate and kind to me, hardly on any sort of path, confused, hypocritical... you've stayed with me despite the dumb things I've done.
You're Kailas, the bestower of Peace, to me ultimately. I've stared at your picture for hours, smiling like an idiot, at total peace just seeing your image. I've spent many nights crying for some reason or other, to feel peace wash over the pain when I begin to chant your name in a plea for help.
You are Hara, the remover of sins... I've felt the affects of Karma, but You are burning away the sins of my life and past ones by putting me through those things... chanting your name is known to purify the mind, at the very least... to worship and love you is to welcome you into the heart, and your presence would surely burn off all things ugly within the soul.
You are Kantha, You are SadaShiva, you are Paramjyoti- ever radient, Lord of all, the greatest splendor! To me, you are Priyabhakta... the favorite of devotees :) But then, to me you're everything... absolutely everything, and everyone. The smallest insect is You. For there is not one single atom in the known universe that You don't encompass, and that doesn't encompass you. You are within and without. Formless and yet the very form of everything. You ARE everything... My heart chants your name with each beat, and the blood carries my love for you... my love for you is eternal, Shiva.
Namah Shivaya Current Mood: calm Current Music: Nouveau Vague- dance with me
09:23 pm - St. Patricks Day Yesterday was St. Patricks Day! Or, everyone on the planets' excuse-to-get-tanked day. Whee!
Me, I was at a party... for two days. Think of the possibilities!! Maybe you don't wanna do that though... For the sake of your own peace of mind ;P This was at Megan's house, too... so needless to say I'm no longer mentally sound. I'm running on no sleep, and I'll show you why:
The insane amount of sugar probably didn't help though, either :P Mixed that all up with the HORRIFYING movies I was not allowed to miss, and you've got yourself one serious basket-case in the morning. All 3 'Saw' movies.... the next person to tell me a movie "really isn't gory!" might get punched.
I saw someone's head explode. I saw someone's entire fucking head BLOW UP!!! Who could possibly think to put that in a movie? And that wasn't even one of the *bad* parts... let that sink in. o.O
I drank Smirnoff! It tasted like sour fruit juice... I don't see the appeal. At least you know I won't be getting drunk anytime soon :P Funny as that'd be to witness...
Aside from uh, all that... was a good time :) Never pass up a chance to have fun for just about no reason.
And now for some good old-fashioned random: ( What do you like?Collapse ) Current Mood: Tiredddd Current Music: Sonya Kitchell- simple melody
to pray until your heart melts and flows down as tears. Such tears are more powerful than meditation... They are verily the Ganges.
Man, I've felt that love... it's the most intense thing in the world. To be chanting or singing, or even just talking to God, and feel such overpowering love that you're reduced to an incoherent mess :P but to feel such incredible love is just as effective as meditation, because you still find God... you still feel his presence within you.
Following a simpler path seems to be more of a direct way to God than anything. Going through elaborate rituals, sadhana, meditation, living an austere life, etc- none of it is going to have any effect if you're only doing it because you think you have to, or fear something bad happening if you don't. Nothing will happen if you just say some words and going through stuff, with no real devotion or love infused with it. It seems those who have decided to just do whatever have truly felt divine prescence and love. As long as you put your heart into it, there's no wrong way to worship God. Go the traditional way or just do anything- they'll have the same effect if there's love present :)
... well, unless somehow you manage to feel divine love while beating puppies or something of the sort. Please, just no. You're just scary then. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: Jeff Buckley- hallelujah